The relationships you have with the people in your life can be one of the most rewarding parts of your life, as well as one of the most painful. It’s important to be able to recognize if you’re hurting yourself or someone else through your relationship. Make changes accordingly so that everyone involved can be happier and healthier. These ten signs can help you determine if your relationship is healthy and working towards a long-term success. Or if it needs some work before it becomes truly fulfilling and rewarding.

1) They don’t make you feel good about yourself

When you’re with that person, do you feel better about yourself, or worse? If it’s worse—you know who it is. No one is good enough for your love and friendship, if they don’t make you feel good about yourself. This is perhaps one of our most important relationships to take care of. Many people put their relationship with themselves at an equal level with their marriage or friendship. This is because they have a greater impact on our happiness than anyone else can!

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2) They drain your energy

You’re likely to be fatigued in a bad relationship. It’s not always easy to pick up on it because you might attribute your low energy level to something else. In reality, you could be experiencing a form of emotional or even physical fatigue, which has nothing to do with rest or sleep. If you suspect your partner is constantly draining your energy levels, whether intentionally or unintentionally, then it’s time to consider cutting ties and moving on. Healthy relationships nurture one another rather than deplete them. So listen closely to how you feel after spending time with someone. If they’re making you feel like crap day in and day out, maybe it’s time for a change.

3) They don’t respect you

Having a hard time communicating with your spouse or significant other is one of those surefire ways to tell you’re in an unhealthy relationship. In fact, having a hard time communicating is often more than just an indication that something’s wrong; it’s one of those definite signs that it may be time to move on. Couples who have trouble speaking openly and honestly can’t possibly love each other enough, which means they shouldn’t be together at all. If you notice your significant other doesn’t respect your opinions or just doesn’t listen when you talk, then there may be problems in paradise – but only if things don’t change. Love means listening and respecting your partner.

4) They are secretive

A good relationship is not one in which your spouse feels they need to hide things from you. A loving couple trust each other, and know that by sharing their feelings, thoughts, problems, etc., they can resolve them together. If you feel that something is being hidden from you, or if your spouse frequently has to tell lies and fabricate stories to cover their actions, then there is a huge problem and big risk of divorce. If they are hiding things and lying to you on a consistent basis then how can they ever be honest with you when bigger issues come up (for example)? Honesty is imperative in any relationship.

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5) Makes you feel bad about other people

This is a red flag for many experts, including Glamour’s resident love and dating expert, April Masini. If you feel bad about others’ relationships because yours seems so lacking in comparison—or if you start thinking others are better than you because of their perfect partners—then something is wrong. It’s normal to have these feelings from time to time, but if they’re permanent and never-ending, that can be an indication that your relationship isn’t solid ground on which to build a marriage. The solution is pretty simple: If you think everyone else has more going for them in terms of relationships than you do (and therefore a happier life), don’t enter into a relationship with someone who brings those negative thoughts into your mind.

6) They argue with you in public

True, couples sometimes argue in public. But if your partner is yelling at you or putting you down in front of other people—including their parents—it’s probably a sign that they don’t respect you and are trying to hurt your feelings. If you feel that your marriage isn’t working after seeing a few of these signs, it might be time to start planning for divorce.

7) Friends and family disapprove of them

Friends and family do not approve of your partner is a huge red flag. Sure, sometimes you have to marry for love but if everyone thinks your spouse is an axe murderer there’s probably something to that. If both your families disapprove of them there may be some serious relationship issues at play here. Are they dating another person that doesn’t approve of their relationship? This can indicate more problems down the road for sure. Before jumping into a marriage with someone make sure everyone likes them!

8) There’s a lot of confusion in the relationship

Are we dating or is it a serious relationship? How long do I wait to call him my boyfriend? If he keeps canceling plans, does that mean he doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore? Am I ready for marriage if I love being single so much?! These are some of the questions you might be asking yourself as you wonder whether your relationship is really working.

9) You find yourself hiding things from them

If you are keeping secrets from your partner, chances are your relationship is more of a partnership than a relationship. Transparency and honesty are necessary for any type of healthy connection, whether it’s a friendship or a romantic bond. If you can’t tell your partner everything because you know they will get mad, or if there is something going on in your life that you feel like you can’t talk to them about, then your relationship isn’t working at its fullest potential.

10) You keep waiting for the good times to return but they never do

If you’re experiencing a roller coaster of ups and downs in your relationship, you may be able to pinpoint one person (or both) as having an all or nothing attitude. This often leads to blow-ups, hurt feelings, and even breakups. Be sure to be careful with how you phrase things when trying to change someone else’s all or nothing thinking.